Names have been changed to protect both the innocent AND the naive.
I’m not talking low fat, sugar-free orbs of dried fruit and nuts served at health retreats. I mean big-assed balls of courage when it comes to dating. Internet Dating! That stuff takes big cajones. Or does it?
Last week I had a try of a dating site. I posted a profile and then ‘attended to my Inbox’ – which is the point of the exercise no? That’s a dirty joke…case you missed it. 😉
T’was early Saturday morning and I received a intriguing message from a strange and cunning linguist. I checked his profile – no photo. I know! Why bother reading further but I did and it was FUNNY! I love funny.
On this dating site, there is section where one may indicate what one is looking for: long-term dating; short-term dating; friends; activity partners…etc. My punter had written: “The idea of an ‘Activity Partner’ fascinates me. I don’t know what that actually means but I want one!”
An Activity Partner! I want one too! It sounds so quaint and old fashioned and yet it is totally a phenomenon of contemporary culture. We used to just call them ‘friends’ but that word has been shot to pieces by the facebook phenomenon.
So, I messaged him back and he messaged back immediately, and so I did again and he did again and so forth for most of the next 30 hours.At first he was brash, then flirty and familiar in a somehow gentlemanly way. He was confident to one hair short of arrogant, and then redeemed himself with a shot of humility. But most of all he was quick-witted, bold and cheeky. I was receptive, a squeeze of coy, and a little ‘Tigress’.
56 messages and 24 hours later we had shared a day.Here, I will share our abridged volleys. He is in Bold and I am in Italics. Enjoy!
(Names have been changed to protect both the innocent AND the naive).
First we have a little chat and I ask him to message me later. Oh it is easy to be cheeky when we are safe behind a screen!
- Come again. I’m here all week… 😉
Ok. I always do anyway!
It must be exhausting being you … But inspirational nonetheless!
Its invigorating actually.
Although I am having trouble this morning finding a reason to get out of bed.
Brrrrrrr? Sounds like u have had assistance! 😉
Oh my! Really!
- Stop blushing… If it feels good… Well you could just stay there all day, couldn’t you?
I throw in a spontaneous poem:
My cheeks look sweet with a little blush.
My chest feels nice with a flush
And I’m not in bed,
I’m down the street.
At the market Buying beets
(I’m not just saying that for the loop.
I’m gonna make some beet root soup.)
Ok look here! Always good to throw in a rhyme. Fast forward to 10:41pm and I am getting a little tipsy at a party. But my mind starts playing with this morning’s flirt.
Soooo Mr. No Photo… You’re 16, have poofy hair and live with your parents, right?
- No miss. I’m 35 and live on the south side by myself. Not up to much tonight…. U?
Ok look here! He has sent a photo. …Not bad!
- At a 40th in Fitzroy it’s all very chic. The people are lovely. Everyone keeps big-upping my hair. Oh it’s the small things in life… Hehehe. I think I may take up smoking. Why are u in tonight? Is it just too chilly?
- I often stay in on Saturday nights, it’s all a bit crazy.
- I think u would be good at smoking…
- I just went to men’s bathroom with a group of friends. Now I’m a bit sozzed. I’m sure I’m about to get very chatty. Oh dear. Tell me something else about you.
Ask me anything! You are an Artistic / Musical / Writer – all three?
Designer / mother/ spiritual warrior. Now I’m at some other feeble club. Lucky my friends are spirited.
What’s your name?
Jack. What’s yours?
- Fun Woman.
- Thought so…
- Haha. You did not.
- I did not i was just trying to induce paranoia… ! Hahaha
- My hair still looks good. That’s good. I think I better apply myself to this smoking thing though.
- I bet your hair looks good… Work it baby… I’m going to sleep now. Will be back when I can’t sleep.
Holy crap. It Coulda gone there. 40ths are mad.
I got a cab back with friends and crashed on the couch then the rest of the party came back and everyone got in the 20-person spa. Now with little pinpricks eyes and trembling on a cellular level I’m midway thru a day course in the city.
Currently scoffing first food since 3pm yesterday. Egg Tortilla.
Better than jail food.
Lots of men giving me sultry looks today. Guys love trash bags don’t they?
Yes but not when they’re grinding their teeth. 😉
What are you doing?
I have to go to my Aunty’s birthday and mingle with lesbians.
Oh lesbians. Thought I may have joined the ranks last night. I woke up with some serious stay-fast lipstick over my face.
- What’s this Sunday course nonsense?
- Um, blog course. Yep. I’m doing it. But my mind is fading.
- U would make a fine bloggerist…
- Thankyou Jack. People say that. Say ‘hi’ to your aunty. ;D
- Until soon Fun Woman.
So there you go. A day spent with a virtual literal stranger. I’m starting to see the online flirting appeal. With a good rapport, a match of wits, and a wifi connection, one can feel an almost instant alliance with a complete stranger. Ordinary life becomes a a running in-joke between you and the funny, uninhibited little monkey on your shoulder/smart phone. Of course, it can be somewhat satisfying for a single person, kind of like having a partner but more like having an invisible friend.
Now, as many do, Jack and I could continue this friendship online. We could get past the witty reparte, build loyalty, trust, and share our hearts and pictures of ourselves naked. It sounds less risky than meeting in person and less satisfying than an actual relationship but lends itself more to fantasy.
But I think I’d prefer an ‘Activity Partner’ to an invisible friend.
Jack wants me to meet him. Shall I?
Hope you laughed.