Fun Woman Sex Mother

An Attitude of Gratitude is essential for the Goddess Self Respect Project.


1 Comment

Online Flirting: A Day with a Disembodied Stranger.

Names have been changed to protect both the innocent AND the naive.

Some of my girlfriends have the most amazing date balls.89roNC1367846500

I’m not talking low fat, sugar-free orbs of dried fruit and nuts served at health retreats. I mean big-assed balls of courage when it comes to dating.  Internet Dating!  That stuff takes big cajones. Or does it?

Last week I had a try of a dating site. I posted a profile and then ‘attended to my Inbox’ – which is the point of the exercise no?  That’s a dirty joke…case you missed it.   😉

T’was early Saturday morning and I received a intriguing message from a strange and cunning linguist.  I checked his profile – no photo.  I know!  Why bother reading further but I did and it was FUNNY!  I love funny.

On this dating site, there is section where one may indicate what one is looking for:  long-term dating; short-term dating; friends; activity partners…etc.  My punter had written:  “The idea of an ‘Activity Partner’ fascinates me. I don’t know what that actually means but I want one!”    

An Activity Partner! I want one too! It sounds so quaint and old fashioned and yet it is totally a phenomenon of contemporary culture. We used to just call them ‘friends’ but that word has been shot to pieces by the facebook phenomenon. 

So, I messaged him back and he messaged back immediately, and so I did again and he did again and so forth for most of the next 30 hours.typing guy and dogAt first he was brash, then flirty and familiar in a somehow gentlemanly way.  He was confident to one hair short of arrogant, and then redeemed himself with a shot of humility.  But most of all he was quick-witted, bold and cheeky.  I was receptive, a squeeze of coy, and a little ‘Tigress’. 

56 messages and 24 hours later we had shared a day.Here, I will share our abridged volleys.  He is in Bold and I am in Italics. Enjoy!

(Names have been changed to protect both the innocent AND the naive).

First we have a little chat and I ask him to message me later. Oh it is easy to be cheeky when we are safe behind a screen! 

 

7:36am

  • Come again. I’m here all week… 😉 
  • Ok. I always do anyway!
  • It must be exhausting being you … But inspirational nonetheless!
  • Its invigorating actually.
    Although I am having trouble this morning finding a reason to get out of bed.
    Brrrrrrr chilly
  • Brrrrrrr? Sounds like u have had assistance!  😉  
  • Oh my!  Really! 
  • Stop blushing… If it feels good… Well you could just stay there all day, couldn’t you?

 

11:13am  

I throw in a spontaneous poem:

beetroot_valentine

My cheeks look sweet with a little blush. 

My chest feels nice with a flush

            Of heat.

                  And I’m not in bed,

                     I’m down the street.

                             At the market Buying beets

(I’m not just saying that for the loop.

I’m gonna make some beet root soup.)   

Ok look here! Always good to throw in a rhyme. Fast forward to 10:41pm and I am getting a little tipsy at a party. But my mind starts playing with this morning’s flirt.  

  • Soooo Mr. No Photo… You’re 16, have poofy hair and live with your parents, right? 
  • No miss. I’m 35 and live on the south side by myself.  Not up to much tonight…. U?

Ok look here! He has sent a photo. …Not bad!

  • At a 40th in Fitzroy it’s all very chic. The people are lovely. Everyone keeps big-upping my hair. Oh it’s the small things in life… Hehehe.   I think I may take up smoking.  Why are u in tonight? Is it just too chilly?
  • I often stay in on Saturday nights, it’s all a bit crazy.  
  • I think u would be good at smoking…4PdRzw1367845116
  • I just went to men’s bathroom with a group of friends. Now I’m a bit sozzed. I’m sure I’m about to get very chatty.  Oh dear.  Tell me something else about you.
  • Ask me anything! You are an Artistic / Musical / Writer – all three?
  • Designer / mother/ spiritual warrior. Now I’m at some other feeble club. Lucky my friends are spirited.
    What’s your name?
  • Jack.  What’s yours?
  • Fun Woman.
  • Thought so…
  • Haha. You did not.
  • I did not i was just trying to induce paranoia… ! Hahaha

12:58am

  • My hair still looks good. That’s good.  I think I better apply myself to this smoking thing though.
  •  I bet your hair looks good… Work it baby… I’m going to sleep now. Will be back when I can’t sleep.

Next day…

9:41am

  • Jail?
  • Holy crap. It Coulda gone there.  40ths are mad.
    I got a cab back with friends and crashed on the couch then the rest of the party came back and everyone got in the 20-person spa. Now with little pinpricks eyes and trembling on a cellular level I’m midway thru a day course in the city.
    Currently scoffing first food since 3pm yesterday. Egg Tortilla.
    Better than jail food.

              Lots of men giving me sultry looks today. Guys love trash bags don’t they?

  • Yes but not when they’re grinding their teeth.  😉
  • What are you doing?
  • I have to go to my Aunty’s birthday and mingle with lesbians. 
  • Oh lesbians.  Thought I may have joined the ranks last night.  I woke up with some serious stay-fast lipstick over my face.  
  • What’s this Sunday course nonsense?
  • Um, blog course.  Yep.  I’m doing it.  But my mind is fading.
  • U would make a fine bloggerist…

12:49

  • Thankyou Jack.  People say that.  Say ‘hi’ to your aunty.     ;D
  • Until soon Fun Woman.

So there you go. A day spent with a virtual literal stranger.  I’m starting to see the online flirting appeal. With a good rapport, a match of wits, and a wifi connection, one can feel an almost instant alliance with a complete stranger. Ordinary life becomes a a running in-joke between you and the funny, uninhibited little monkey on your shoulder/smart phone.  Of course, it can be somewhat satisfying for a single person, kind of like having a partner but more like having an invisible friend.  

Now, as many do, Jack and I could continue this friendship online. We could get past the witty reparte, build loyalty, trust, and share our hearts and pictures of ourselves naked.  It sounds less risky than meeting in person and less satisfying than an actual relationship but lends itself more to fantasy.

But I think I’d prefer an ‘Activity Partner’ to an invisible friend. 

Jack wants me to meet him. Shall I?

Hope you laughed. 

FWSM  xx

Advertisements


Leave a comment

Carrot cake, tea and salty tears.

carrot cake

Yesterday I had two lovely long-time friends over for afternoon tea. Two dads. Two sincere, interesting, lovely, sexy, hot, handsome, soulful, intelligent men. Both music producers and both having excellent success in their field. Both deeply in love with their partners and having major trouble in that arena. I’ve known these men since we were 20. It’s about 17 years later. We are living in different parts of the country. I still remember when the 3 of us met that night in that share house kitchen in Collingwood. We stayed up late laughing and playing like we’d just found our soul family. And we had.

So I provided what I’ve come to know as the magic of my kitchen table. Where extraordinary people come to talk and listen and laugh and heal. And a cake. I baked them a cake and we sat as witnesses and friends.

Now I’ve only ever baked one other carrot cake. I didn’t grow up relating carrots with cake. But I was moved. And it turns out both men LOVE carrot cake. So…win.

We sat, we talked, we drank tea. At different times, both men got teary and dropped little salty, soul-sharing tears into their tea. Salt is good for the heart – in this case.

carrot cake crying fwsm

So, here it is. I baked it with love. I ripped a recipe off the net to get the basic alchemy and then changed it to make it EXTRAordinary. Cos where I grew up – on a rice farm 15 kms from town – cakes were an ordinary daily occurrence (thanks Nan).

Ingredients:  Remember to use quality ingredients such as unbleached flour – preferably cake flour, organic butter, grind your own spices for that fragrant punch. CHOOSE ORGANIC where possible.

  • Butter or Oil to grease the cake tin. 
  • 2 (about 300g) carrots
  • 1 cup (150g) self-raising flour – or make your own by adding baking soda to plain flour. 2 tsp baking soda per cup of flour.
  • 1/2 cup (75g) plain flour
  • 1 tsp bicarbonate of soda
  • pinch of sea salt
  • 1&1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
  • 1 tsp ground ginger
  • 1 tsp ground nutmeg (freshly ground is great)
  • 1/3 cup brown or brown coconut sugar
  • 2/3 cup (185ml) virgin pressed olive oil or coconut oil – or gently melted butter
  • 1/3 cup honey or thick agave
  • 3 eggs
  • 1 tsp vanilla essence

Icing:

  • 250g spreadable cream cheese
  • 1/3 cup icing sugar  – Actually you can use a raw or coconut sugar or something similar if you grind it in a coffee grinder – the idea it has to be a powder so it dissolves.
  • 1/2 tsp vanilla essence

Method:

Preheat oven to 160°C. The pan: This cake needs a high Cake to icing ratio. Lots of icing, my son says… You can use a 20cm (base) round cake but having made it already, I would choose something a little bigger so the cake is flatter with more top surface area to slather on the icing.

Grease your choice of pan lightly with oil, and line with non-stick baking paper if you like but its not essential. Grate the carrots, and set aside. Sift the flours, bicarbonate of soda and cinnamon into a large bowl.

Put the brown sugar, oil, golden syrup, eggs and vanilla in a separate bowl. Whisk to mix until combined.

Pour the oil mixture into the dry ingredients. Stir gently until just combined. Stir in the grated carrot.

Pour the mixture into the pan and bake for 50-60 mins. NOTE: when I can smell the cake. I know its ready. So if you can smell it before times up, check it! Set aside for 5 minutes. Turn out onto a wire rack to cool completely.

Icing:  place the cream cheese, icing sugar and vanilla in a bowl. Mix until well combined. Once the cake is completely cooled. Ice Ice Baby.

Share with beloveds…

Injoy,

Fun Woman xx


Leave a comment

Perspectacles…

Sunny-Autumn-morning485x728

Life’s all in the way we see it right?

This morning I tore open the curtains and tentatively opened the window to find the morning air didn’t immediately ice over my nose. Whoop! No. It’s mid Autumn and this Melbourne morning is sweet, cool and sunny. …Le sigh.

I get in my car, drop my little guy off to school, exchange smiles with some kids and parents and get going for a decaf (swiss water method only) and a walk down the River. So, I’m driving along and pass a man in a van smiling his head off. He was 60 something, long grey hair and looked distinctly like Dr David Suzuki. Awww. Feel that! It’s amazing the power of a smile. It’s contagious!

Continuing on my way, my heart light as a feather, I’m driving down a busy back street and pull over to let a stream of vehicles through. I love this practice cos I sit back and get all the ‘thank you’ waves from fellow humans and feel loved. Hahaha

Really, it is all in the way we see life isn’t it! I remember seeing a magic silver ball rolling across a country road once and said, “Wow! what’s that silver ball?” to my mate Gerard who was driving. “Gee, i wish I saw life like you do!” he replied. (As it had been a coke can wind blown across the road.)  Ah…yeh…maybe I should wear my spectacles more.

Speaking of spectacles, until recently, I had this theory that guys really like chicks in glasses. I get so many more sultry looks from chaps when I get my librarian on. Then I realised that maybe I can just actually SEE what’s going on when I’m wearing glasses. Oh dear.

Anyway, now Im at my coffee spot. And Look! i’ve just been given an E for brekky! Bickies for brekky. Ah them were the dayz.

E for breakfast

Practice your Attitude of Gratitude and

Injoy darlings,

Fun Woman xx


5 Comments

Chocolate: Raw and Warm

Chocolate:  Raw; Hot

Good and warm hellos.
Welcome to Fun Woman Sex Mother. First, I have for you my simple hot chocolate recipe.

Treated right, it is technically a ‘raw food’ hot chocolate.

But hey, the only technicality I’m concerned with here

is that this baby is hot and good and edifying yo!

Please make yourself one of these and sit down with me.

So glad you’re here.

Kissnhugg,

Fun Woman
xo

CACAO HOT CHOCOLATE:

Shave off 1 tsp Cacoa butter with a knife,add a splash of hot water from the kettle. Add 2 heaped tsp Cacoa powder and 1 tsp of Agave nectar (or maple syrup, coconut sugar, honey or any kind of quality organic sugar really but agave gives a silkiness) Omit agave and use stevia for candida diet. Warm 3/4 cup of milk ( or use soy, rice, almond, oat…etc) – I personally froth mine using the coffee machine. Add it to the Cacao mixture. Stir and …oh yeh…  

Spicy Variations can include a 1/2 tsp cinnamon, a pinch of freshly grated nutmeg, and a pinch of cardamon.

Chili hot chocolate: Add enough cayenne pepper so that when you taste it, you don’t get the hit of chili at first, but in the back of the throat after you’ve swallowed. Trust me…you’ll see. 

cacao pod

Notes on Ingredients: Cacao butter and powder are simply the parts of the cacao bean. The cacao bean has historically been processed (roasted, dried and to some extent de-natured) to become cocoa and chocolate.  There are many now who acknowledge this little bean to be a mighty ‘superfood’ . To learn more about Cacao check this out.  If you do not have an awesome wholefood place around that sells these products, contact https://lovingearth.net or source your own. Same with Agave. If you havent played with these ingredients before, you will not beleive the taste difference and the mouth feel. It’s ecstatic.

Now really, you can substitute the ingredients for stuff you can get at the stupormarket, but now, just dont do it! You wanna know the difference between the chocolate cake your amazing aunty made and the one at [insert generic bakery chain]? Your aunty uses fresh stone ground, unbleached flour, quality cacao (or cocoa) and chocolate, freshly ground spices, fresh organic, free range eggs (from her chooks) and Fresh Milk and butter; organic and free of hormones and pus! (There I said it.)  Hey…do you need that chocolate cake recipe? Gimme a yell.

Enjoy…xx

Technicalities: if kept under 40 degrees celcius this is considered enzyme intact.