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An Attitude of Gratitude is essential for the Goddess Self Respect Project.

The Light of Self Acceptance

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Meme Self acceptance

…and the Irony is, those parts of ourselves that we least like must be embraced, not shunned if we are to be free of them.

They must be wooed back to us, held, loved better and given what they need – and that is to stand those parts in the Light of Self Acceptance until they are forgiven and have reintegrated into the whole self. This is Self Acceptance and this is Acceptance we crave.

We sometimes think it is Acceptance from others that we are yearning for – from people in particular or society in general. Yet we cannot even receive that acceptance from anyone unless we have first allowed ourselves to accept that fragment that has been out in the cold.

There is no running from those parts of the self we deem ‘ugly’ or ‘weak’. Shunning or denying what we don’t like about ourselves just keeps the behaviour, thoughts and judgements in a holding pattern.  When we do not take responsibility for our shortcomings, incidents borne from the fruit of these old redundant parts of the self and from the secret conflict we have inside because we don’t like this part of ourselves, keep recurring.

We all do this. And we all have denial about it …until we don’t. I always find when the denial lifts, this is when I feel the most pain because I feel bad that I have spent so long living in the dark (on a certain issue). That is when I feel a lack of self acceptance: that I should be more evolved than I am. How can I STILL be at ‘this stage’. That is when I take both the shortcoming that I have just become aware of and the self judgement of not being perfect and stand them in the light. Which is to say I practice a series of meditations on Self Acceptance.  And, of course, I reach out to wise friends who remind me: It’s about Progress not Perfection.

So, do we embrace that shitty, weak, desperate, pushy, mean, selfish, or feeble part of ourself? Or do do we try and shut her out; starve her and hope she will die quietly?  Pull those parts close, amors. They are your little children, learning through mistakes. They are not to be scolded for learning! But held until their lesson is learnt and their pain subsides.

It casts another Light to the saying:

“To err is human, to forgive is divine.” ~ Alexander Pope.

Love (all of) you,

FunWoman

xx

ps I am able to provide access to meditation material from my mentors upon request.

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Internet Dating: “This is red five. I’m going in.” Part 2

Luke: “What’s in there?”
Yoda: “Only what you take with you.”

yoda-luke

Now when Yoda was advising Luke in this way, I am sure he was not talking about Online dating. But still – it applies.

I write this on the cusp on my first online-induced date.  With Jack.  Real name:  Not telling.  

(See Part 1 of this series.)  We are being conservative. It’s just coffee.

My friend – who is like a professional consultant for such bold and often awkward endeavours has offered to call me 15 minutes into it to give me an excuse to go.

Another friend who works in IT for one of the big dating sites also gives me 15 minute advice. “Tell him you will meet him for 15 minutes. One drink and you can go from there. Then if you’re having a good time for can always keep it rolling.” Having a good time? I dare not hope!

Internet dating. I’ve heard the horror stories and I’ve heard the doe-eyed ‘how-we-met’ stories.

I will admit I find it a bit daunting. But I’m not sure about these contingencies, I think I’d rather go in being real, trusting my own boundaries, holding my own ground.  I am more than equipped for such a journey:

I could really over think this and go in with all sorts of anxieties but instead I reckon the worst thing that will happen is Jack will be really rude, belligerent, creepy, overly familiar in a creepy sort of way and mean. AND creepy. Did I say that already? Or he could be creepy in a vapid, inane, messed up kind of way.

The second worst thing could be that there will be nothing to talk about. The third thing – especially if paired with the second thing – is that there will be no attraction.  At all.  Flat linin’…________Beeeeep_________.

But I won’t know unless I go.

Jack is making it easy after all.  He’s like:  “Hey, we’ll probably not hook up, and maybe we’ll never see each other again but, it’s harmless and we’ll probably be better people for meeting each other.” Now I can’t argue with that.

If nothing comes of it, BOOM! on to the next adventure.  And finally, I can always rely on Yoda for realistic advice:

Obi-wan: “That boy is our last hope.”

Yoda:  “No, there is another.”


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Carrot cake, tea and salty tears.

carrot cake

Yesterday I had two lovely long-time friends over for afternoon tea. Two dads. Two sincere, interesting, lovely, sexy, hot, handsome, soulful, intelligent men. Both music producers and both having excellent success in their field. Both deeply in love with their partners and having major trouble in that arena. I’ve known these men since we were 20. It’s about 17 years later. We are living in different parts of the country. I still remember when the 3 of us met that night in that share house kitchen in Collingwood. We stayed up late laughing and playing like we’d just found our soul family. And we had.

So I provided what I’ve come to know as the magic of my kitchen table. Where extraordinary people come to talk and listen and laugh and heal. And a cake. I baked them a cake and we sat as witnesses and friends.

Now I’ve only ever baked one other carrot cake. I didn’t grow up relating carrots with cake. But I was moved. And it turns out both men LOVE carrot cake. So…win.

We sat, we talked, we drank tea. At different times, both men got teary and dropped little salty, soul-sharing tears into their tea. Salt is good for the heart – in this case.

carrot cake crying fwsm

So, here it is. I baked it with love. I ripped a recipe off the net to get the basic alchemy and then changed it to make it EXTRAordinary. Cos where I grew up – on a rice farm 15 kms from town – cakes were an ordinary daily occurrence (thanks Nan).

Ingredients:  Remember to use quality ingredients such as unbleached flour – preferably cake flour, organic butter, grind your own spices for that fragrant punch. CHOOSE ORGANIC where possible.

  • Butter or Oil to grease the cake tin. 
  • 2 (about 300g) carrots
  • 1 cup (150g) self-raising flour – or make your own by adding baking soda to plain flour. 2 tsp baking soda per cup of flour.
  • 1/2 cup (75g) plain flour
  • 1 tsp bicarbonate of soda
  • pinch of sea salt
  • 1&1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
  • 1 tsp ground ginger
  • 1 tsp ground nutmeg (freshly ground is great)
  • 1/3 cup brown or brown coconut sugar
  • 2/3 cup (185ml) virgin pressed olive oil or coconut oil – or gently melted butter
  • 1/3 cup honey or thick agave
  • 3 eggs
  • 1 tsp vanilla essence

Icing:

  • 250g spreadable cream cheese
  • 1/3 cup icing sugar  – Actually you can use a raw or coconut sugar or something similar if you grind it in a coffee grinder – the idea it has to be a powder so it dissolves.
  • 1/2 tsp vanilla essence

Method:

Preheat oven to 160°C. The pan: This cake needs a high Cake to icing ratio. Lots of icing, my son says… You can use a 20cm (base) round cake but having made it already, I would choose something a little bigger so the cake is flatter with more top surface area to slather on the icing.

Grease your choice of pan lightly with oil, and line with non-stick baking paper if you like but its not essential. Grate the carrots, and set aside. Sift the flours, bicarbonate of soda and cinnamon into a large bowl.

Put the brown sugar, oil, golden syrup, eggs and vanilla in a separate bowl. Whisk to mix until combined.

Pour the oil mixture into the dry ingredients. Stir gently until just combined. Stir in the grated carrot.

Pour the mixture into the pan and bake for 50-60 mins. NOTE: when I can smell the cake. I know its ready. So if you can smell it before times up, check it! Set aside for 5 minutes. Turn out onto a wire rack to cool completely.

Icing:  place the cream cheese, icing sugar and vanilla in a bowl. Mix until well combined. Once the cake is completely cooled. Ice Ice Baby.

Share with beloveds…

Injoy,

Fun Woman xx